Visitors and Fish
Two days ago was the last of 33 days in a row having people visiting us. At the beginning of October our friends for almost 8 years from Switzerland arrived. They used to live here in the Valley with us and we had 4 fun years together exploring the American life, the beauty of California and seeing our 4 girls, who are almost the exact same age, growing up together for a while. They were pretty cool guests. The kids had a blast, were jumping in and out of the pool, played Minecraft for hours and the parents just did what they wanted to do and never made a big fuss over it. They came, they adjusted to the time difference of 9 hours almost flawlessly. On our first night we stayed up super long, drank like in old times and they got up with us in the morning and simply carried on with their day. They bought the groceries they wanted to eat and brought stuff that we needed, too. We did things together but they also visited a lot of other people and did a couple small road trips. It was a great time overall. The only thing I didn’t appreciate was my friend using my road bike, adjusting everything he wanted to change, not putting it back in the original state but constantly complaining about it. Don’t ever do that again, dude!
After that my parents arrived and they haven’t been here for two years. Having family visiting is a whole different story though. There are a lot of expectations and ancient role structures that make a visit from family members even more demanding. I love my parents with all their flaws like they do the other way around. The anticipation of their visit is always immense. They usually come for three weeks which is actually kind of perfect. After the arrival comes a short time of disillusionment because your life changes a lot expanding your family size and I feel that it takes about a week to get settled, to figure out the right timing for the bathroom use and how to operate the coffee machine appropriately. Then everyone kind of finds his/her routine and it starts working out quiet well. It’s always easier with my mom though. Maybe it’s just because of the gender. Moms somehow tend to keep themselves busy with cleaning up, doing homework or arts and crafts with the kids, folding laundry, enjoying the sun etc. Once the dads left their usual habitat they seem to have a harder time to find something to do or to engage in new things or a different routine. My dad usually reads a lot while he’s here, which is great because it’s supposed to be vacation for him, too. I also try to have things for him to “fix”. This is really important for dads. They need to feel useful and needed. You have to give them jobs, even if you might think: “I can’t ask him to do that.” Do it anyway. They’ll love it. My dad fed our chickens every morning, cleaned my car and painted my daughter’s room while he was here and that was awesome. He spent the whole morning preparing and taping while she was in school. When she came back, they painted together and I think it was a great experience for both of them with a visible result as well. But after painting, reading, going for a walk there will be times of boredom and then you need to prepare yourself for never-ending comments and questions. My dad has this weird habit of standing next to you in the kitchen and asking you what you’re doing even though he can obviously see it. That can be nerv-wrecking over time. The thing is, it drives me nuts when he’s here but I almost miss it when he’s gone.
Visits always give pleasure — if not the arrival, the departure. ~Portuguese Proverb
The last month was a great time overall and I wouldn’t want to miss having visitors in the world. They always bring a little bit of home and I really love showing them all the beautiful places in California. We all know Benjamin Franklin’s sentence: Fish and visitors smell in three days. Well, no one will ever visit us only for three days, because it is an 11-hour flight from Europe to California and only a few people have had the privilege of combining business with leisure so far and have visited us only for a couple days. But I actually don’t agree. I think three days are too short and that long-term visitors are sometimes a bit like cheese, they get better over time. I personally love having visitors even though it messes with your routine sometimes and it also takes up some of my quality alone-time but overall it’s great to see family and friends, catch up and be able to put the daily stuff aside once in a while. To make it easier for everyone I came up with some basic rules for guests to follow. It’s just a general guideline.
Rules for visiting Expats:
- Get adjusted to the time and try adapt to your host’s routine.
- Be self-sufficient. Make your own plans and do not expect your hosts to be your travel guide or driver all the time.
- Tell your host about what you’ve planned.
- Buy groceries and try to cook a couple meals yourself, it will be tremendously appreciated.
- Load the dishwasher and clear if needed.
- Put the toilet seat down.
- Pick up after yourself even if you might have a hard time with tidiness in general.
- Ask about your hosts life, their joys and sorrows, even though you’re on vacation.
- Bring a few treats from home and don’t eat them yourself!
- If you followed at least 50 % of these rules: Come back! It was great having you!!
I’m working continuously on my hosting skills, too, it’s a never-ending process. That’s why I want to finish with the following quote:
When hospitality becomes an art, it loses its very soul. ~Max Beerbohm
