This is Interview No. 5 in my series of Repatriation Interviews.
Last year, I had the pleasure of meeting Paalke aka Paula Dittrich on Instagram. We followed each others accounts and back then, she was still living in Kansas City. Then, last summer, Paalke and her family repatriated to Germany, after living in the US for three years. Funnily enough, Paalke, her husband and two little boys moved to the town where I grew up. I only found out that she moved there, because she posted a picture of a long-established restaurant in Monheim am Rhein, in North Rhine Westphalia. Now, on the last day of our Christmas stay in Germany, we met in person. Both walking through Monheim, we briefly saw each other in the Rhine park. You can read about our spontaneous encounter here.
Paalke’s repatriation experience is somehow different from my former interviewees.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
My first name is Paalke, a North-German name. Almost no one knows this name and that makes it often complicated. So, to make things easier in the US, I called myself Paula and I loved it. I am originally an English teacher, but in the states I learnt a lot about photography and started a business, Paula Dietrich Photography. I hope I will be able to do more family and wedding photography in Germany, but will go back to teaching soon, too.My husband and I lived in Cologne for quite a while, when his employer offered him to work on a temporary job in Kansas City. We did not hesitate, because it was a great opportunity, also for me as an English teacher. We lived there for three years with our two boys. They were both born in Germany and are now 4 and 7 years old.
Why did you move back to Germany?
We were planning to move back from the start. It was supposed to be a temporary stay for three years. In between we were about to extend it to 4 years, but then some things changed and we went home after three years, just as planned.
How do/did you experience the reverse culture shock in Germany?
We were prepared to expect reverse culture shock. My husband’s company had even sent an intercultural trainer before we went to the USA. She talked about the reverse culture shock and mentioned that it might hit us hard. But in the end it was not such a big deal. There were so many things about the German culture, but most of all Germany, all of our friends and family that I had missed so much. It was actually a very happy return. In my opinion, it’s important to mention though, that the process of moving back is a much bigger deal than people might expect. Everything takes so very long. We lived in temporary housing and then in an empty house for months. You miss so many little things, you would never have thought about: Trash cans, tools, kitchen utensils, toys, comfy blankets etc. Of course you can borrow or buy stuff, but it is not the same. Overall, it was a very exhausting experience. Plus, we needed to find a house and school and a preschool right away. I felt like I was somewhere in the middle for a long time, not there anymore, not really here yet. And although we love it here in Germany, it doesn’t really feel like we have completely arrived and settled.
What are the advantages of the life in Germany?
My husband and I both have a big family and good friends spread all over Germany and Europe. Each time going back to the States, my heart broke a little crossing the ocean. I am very glad to live closer again. And I also love the fact that I can take my kids to school and Kindergarten within a five or ten minute walking distance. We can run our errands walking or cycling and we meet people we know while doing that. Everything is a little smaller, people spend much more time outside and don’t use their cars as much as Americans. I love that we can easily travel to the sea or the mountains within a couple of hours by car. This was more difficult in the Midwest of America. Germans are honest, straightforward and seem a bit rude at times. But as a German myself, I get along well with this mentality. It feels very good to speak my mother tongue and to be back home.
How did the children adjust to their new schools?
They adjusted very well. Our older boy gets along well and found friends easily. We had to wait for half a year until our younger boy could start his Kindergarten (preschool). There were not many spots open and it was a tough time. But in the end it was worth it. His Kindergarten has just recently been built, is very pretty and the staff is great. My son feels happy there. And in the end, I think he enjoyed the extra time home with mom, when so many things were new to him.
How do you feel now?
It has not been a year yet. We love it here. We did not move back to the city where we used to live before. But it is just about half an hour from here and we can go there regularly. We have been sick a lot. The climate is different and the winter is sooo dark. In December it is still dark at 8am in the morning when the kids arrive at school, and it gets dark around 4pm. I think the body and mind really take time to adjust and to get settled. We are still busy doing just that, but we enjoy it. Sometimes we make fun of the Germans and how they can be grumpy and get annoyed easily. It is great to see things with different eyes. I appreciate many things a lot and am very thankful for many things that might seem obvious.
With knowing what you know now, would you move to the United States again?
The time in America was extraordinary and wonderful and we do not regret a thing. Knowing right from the start that it would be a temporary stay made it easier for us. We would definitely have done it no other way. But would we go to America again in our future? If our lives were endless, probably yes. We feel very connected to the US. A big move to a new country keeps you somehow young and open-minded. But as I described earlier, it is also such a very big deal. It takes about a year, until you feel that you somehow get settled at the new destination. Our kids might be somewhere in high or middle school until another move might come up. And it would be hard for everybody. As much as we love the USA, I think it is not very likely that we will go back for more than a visit.
If you could do your move again, what would you do differently?
I would be on social media before going to the US. Haha. Unlike in Germany, life in the US happens on social media: Friendships, appointments and communication are made on facebook. This is a bit strange for people in Germany, but it can make life easier there, especially if you are new. Apart from that, I might buy some more items in Germany which I missed, to bring with me.
In the process of moving back to Germany, we wished to pack our container and then have a lovely vacation at the East Coast of the US. This way we would have minimized our waiting time for our stuff in Germany. Unfortunately it didn’t work out this way. We decided that it would be better to find a school for our son in time for him to start school with all other kids. So we left in a rush and everything was kind of stressful. We simply didn’t have many options and couldn’t do it differently.
What do you miss most about your recent host country?
Our neighborhood and close friends that we made. We will miss some of these endless warm summer nights, where we sat outside and had BBQ’s and s’mores and also the community pool around the corner. I’m missing our taekwondo school (The KoMa) very much, which turned out to be really unique and irreplaceable. Besides, I’m missing some of my favorite spots and stores in Kansas City as well as the kids schools and my photo community.
What else would you like to tell about your experience?
It is so fascinating how the brain of young children works. Our kids learned English within months, but they also forget it just as fast. When we moved here, people said that our younger boy had an American accent. For weeks after our move, our two boys would speak English while playing. Now, we let them watch English movies or shows, but the younger one doesn’t really speak English anymore. Today I pointed at his class photo from last year and he had forgotten a bunch of names, which I found pretty sad. Our older one still speaks and understands it though. We read Harry Potter books in English to him, which is kind of cool. I love that he skypes with his close buddy in America every now and then. My English? I will be teaching again soon. I’m not sure yet if I will talk to the kids about the shop or the store, the biscuit or the cookie, trousers or pants. My sister lives in England and we will continue to have fun speaking British and American English!
Thank you very much for sharing your story and your experience with you, Paalke. It was so fun to meet you and I’m already looking forward to seeing you again and exchange all our stories face to face.
Did you move back to your home country? Would you like to share your story? I’d love to hear from you!
